The stern and heavily accented voice sounded snappish and rude, which fit the hard woman better than her normal manner of interacting with the world, he realized. This was the real her, and that nicer version was her playing at being just like everyone else.

– P.S. Power, Kingdom of Stars

I wonder how much I pretend when I am with other people just to fit in? With some people everything feels easy, comfortable, and the conversation just flows. Even long silences feel natural. And with other people I get nervous, make bad jokes and have no idea of what to talk about. Sometimes it feels like I’m wearing a pair of too small shoes that hurt my feet while other times like the shoes are way too big and I feel extremely clumsy.

How do I show the real me today?

desire

According to etymonline, desire comes from the latin phrase de sidere meaning from the stars. I read somewhere that if you want to think big you should look up and if you want to focus on details to look down. This is a great trick if you get stuck in a situation you feel you can’t get out of, try looking up and see if you can see the stars and your desires.

Although they often overlap, desires and needs are semantically distinct. I need to eat, but I may not have much desire for what is placed in front of me. While a need is urgent for bodily comfort or even survival, a desire exists at another level of experience.

– Siri Hustvedt, Living, Thinking Looking

I think a lot on if something is a need or a desire in my life. Do I really need a new Ipad or do I desire it? When reading the quote above it also made me think of the difference between should and want. I have felt much more stress in my life when there are too many things I should be doing, and it has helped me a lot to change them into wants. The difference between I should write that report and I want to do a good job.

What do I want to do today?

“I have an apple that thinks it is a pear,” she said, holding it up. “And a bun that thinks it is a cat. And a lettuce that thinks it is a lettuce.”
It is a clever lettuce then.”
“Hardly,” she said with a delicate snort. “Why would anything clever think it was a lettuce?”
“Even if it is a lettuce?” I asked.
“Especially then,” she said. “Bad enough to be a lettuce. How awful to think you are a lettuce too.”

The Wise Man’s Fear, Patrick Rothfuss

reader

Reader is, according to Merriam-Webster, defined  as “one that reads”. (I love circular definitions). But it is also defined as one who is “appointed to read to others”. Read can also be linked back to the German verb raten that means to council, advice or guess.

Is a reader then someone who guesses what others have written and then tells it to others?

“This single, simple stone.”

I just finished reading the two first books of the Kingkiller chronicle by Patrick Rothfuss. Such amazing writing that made me laugh, think and cry.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a river stone, smooth and dark. “Describe the precise shape of this. Tell me of the weight and pressure that forged it from sand and sediment. Tell me how the light reflects from it. Tell me how the world pulls at the mass of it, how the wind cups it as it moves through the air. Tell me how the traces of its iron will feel the calling of a loden-stone. All of these things and a hundred thousand more make up the name of this stone."He held it out to us at arm’s length. "This single, simple stone.”

     – The Wise Man’s Fear, Patrick Rothfuss

It is so hard to communicate, to describe what we see feel almost impossible. How can we hope to describe what we think, feel and experience? We can only share a small part of our selves, the tip of the iceberg.